he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
