What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
