The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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