Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
