Can i not drive my cunt home
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
