So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
