I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Me too!
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
