Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
