I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
