We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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