Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
