drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
where am i from again
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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