halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
