Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
