ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
