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My nipple is on Facebook.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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