So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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