Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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