So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
