We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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