That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just high enough for therapy.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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