every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
