i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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