Do vagina's smell?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
