i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
