He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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