is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
