How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
