I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
