Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
