Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
They are going to name an STD after you.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
