apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
