Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
