Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
