i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
God, I missed his penis.
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