She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
