When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
