You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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