Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
