Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
