Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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