Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
