2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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