so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
