Plan B is the new Plan A
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
