piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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