It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
