Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
