I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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