just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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