Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
