Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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