she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
