OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
